I should be sleeping....

I should be sleeping but I can't. I have always said that this blog would be a place where we honestly share the highs and lows of this hard journey. I never want to come across as whiny or negative because we have been so blessed by God.

Tonight, however I am just sad. I am sad that one of our fellow cancer warriors from UVA, Trent passed away today from cancer. He and David spent a sweet Saturday morning back in the winter playing Wii together. My heart hurts for his family and it also is a painful reminder to us that cancer fights dirty. It has no rhyme or reason when it strikes and it affects the entire family.

Friday Mike and I both left clinic heavy-hearted after our meeting with the oncologist. We want to say this nightmare is over, but sadly we are entering an emotionally hard phase. Active treatment is physically hard on David's body, but this next phase will be gut-wrenching for us as parents. We just want his scans to always be clear and for him to live happily after after. Sadly, none of us are guaranteed that for our children.

I guess that is where our faith steps in. I need to make some scripture cards about faith and fear because I am going to need them. Tonight I snuggled David in bed and I told him how proud I am of him and that God is proud of him for teaching so many people how much He loves them. He has no idea how he has changed our lives forthe better. I am so proud to be his Momma.

So tonight I am excited for him to get his PICC line out tomorrow so he can enjoy some water fun and summer before heading back to school. He does now know it yet, but a wonderful business back home has a fun surprise for him this week. More details coming soon about that! Despite the excitement on the horizon we are still scared.

We just want our boy to have a wonderful life far away from UVA. We pray for clean scans always and that his organs will holdup after all the toxicity it has been exposed to. I just pray that our faith as a family will continue to grow as we lean on God for peace over the next year and beyond as we face the scans. We know the next year will be crucial for clean scans in terms of his long-term prognosis.

So tonight I am just a scared Momma that wants to promise her sweet warrior that the fight is over. Sadly I can't make any promises. As mommys we just want to shelter our children from the harshness of life, but we can't. When Your child is fighting cancer you cannot protect them and you must simply have faith in the Great Physician and turn your child over to Him.

I trust you God with my babies. I know your plan for our family is perfect. Grant us your perfect peace as we wait. Help this Momma overcome her fear. I pray for the other concerns that are heavy on my heart tonight. Please use this nightmare for your glory. Lord I am so dense and often so stubborn that please be clear with your plan for our family. Thank you for providing for our emotional and physical needs thorough this nightmare. I love you. Amen.