My Apologies

I am so sorry that I have not updated the blog much this week.  I have been on the blog a lot, but I have been reading updates from this time last year.  This weekend last year was the last carefree weekend of our lives before cancer came tumbling into our lives attempting to steal our peace and joy.

Physically we are all doing fine.  David has a head full of blondish hair on his head and is doing great.  Physically we are all okay, but I know that this time last year is weighing heavily on our minds.  It is simply surreal to think that our sweet baby has fought the fight that he has.  On one hand I could weep with what all he has been through but then on the other hand I am in awe of his strength and fight. 

This time last year my Dad was packing to head to a fishing trip on the Rappahanock River and Mike was packing to head to a conference in Williamsburg. Both of them are repeating the trips this year but it will be with a heavy heart that they pull out those suitcases. 

This coming Wednesday will be the day that our lives changed forever.  As the date gets closer all the memories from last year come tumbling back.  I am so sad that David has endured so much, but as I told his caseworkers from Mt. Rogers this week it is truly hard to be sad when I  see in hindsight how God was preparing us for this trauma in our lives.  Now that some time has passed I can see his handprints all over the situation in how he prepared us for this tragic event.  I have never felt the Lord's presence or seen his handiwork more than I have over the last year. 

I have been very distracted this week.  Everything reminds me of this time last year and it is hard to stay in the here and now instead of traveling back in my mind to that time where we heard the "c word" for the first time in relation to our baby. 

This morning I was driving to preschool and this song came on the christian radio. Please enjoy this new song from Chris Tomlin called Whom Shall I Fear



I  began weeping as I drove to church for preschool in gratitude.  Our God who loves us all so much prepared the way for this awful event to come stampeding into our lives.  Sadly we had to endure this nightmare, but the armies of angels and our heavenly Father carried us. 

Instead of being sad and overwhelmed at what we have endured I am so thankful to our God.  When God is on our side Whom Shall We fear?  Childhood cancer is no match for our God.  The part in the song where he sings you are faithful makes me weep because we have seen first hand that our God is truly faithful.

I know who goes before me
I know who stands behind
The God of Angel Armies
Is always by my side

The One who reigns forever
He is a friend of mine
The God of angel armies
Is always by my side.

Nothing formed against me shall stand
You hold  the whole word in your hands
I am holding on to your promises
You are faithful
You are faithful
You are faithful

We appreciate your prayers for us all as we not only endure the memories and nightmares that we are all dealing with, but we are also facing that dreaded CT scan machine on November 30th to check and see if David is still cancer free.  As I told a dear friend the other day, I would just like to wake up and it be December and the dreaded anniversary date is past us and the CT scan is done with great results:)  A girl can dream, huh?!

So once again I turn over our baby to our God knowing that he prepares the way for us and that He is truly faithful.  God knows that I trust him with our future and that no matter what the CT scan says we trust in His plan for our family.  With God on our side, Whom Shall we Fear?