Song in My Heart

For the last few days I simply cannot stop singing.  God has put some awesome music in my head for me to enjoy and I have sung all week long.  I guess God knew that we would need some encouragement this week as this is THE WEEK that David was diagnosed last year.

We are so thankful that we are here.  I am so thankful that this time last year the nightmare was just beginning with the first mumblings of David's belly hurting and now we have had the surgery, finished treatment, and we are at the end of the nightmare.  We are so thankful that David survived chemo and that he is happy and healthy today. 

I am also so thankful for our faithful Father who has walked this last 12 months with us, always encouraging us when we needed it and providing so abundantly for our needs.  We are changed people today because we have seen the life-changing power of our Father and how he showers mercy and grace upon us when we need it most.  We are changed simply because of the awesomeness of our God.  The God that we read about in the bible is the same God that has wiped our tears and carried us through the dark and sad days of all the hospitalizations, chemo, and infections.   He is so faithful.

But sadly we also grieve this time of year because this is the anniversary of our life changing forever.  We will never be naiive enough to think that cancer will not mess with one of our babes, we will never take a moment with him for granted ever, and we will constantly live in fear that the beast of childhood cancer can come back at anytime. 

We also grieve our healthy David.  Sadly the chemo and radiation have some negative side affects that we will always have to deal with.  David's kidney is a constant concern to us and we know down the road he could have some serious issues to deal with after all he has endured. 

I know when David was first born and he were told he had Down Syndrome we grieved  then too.  We were and are so thankful for the amazing gift that he is, but the baby we brought home from the hospital was different than the baby we imagined having.  I thought we would leave with Kyle #2 and we left with a beautiful gift named David. 

We are blessed as a family to have these three amazing kiddos, but sadly November is always going to represent for us a dark and sad time in our lives.  We are never going to be the same because of cancer and today I am sad that the last 12 months of our lives we practically lived at UVA and that we will also be there for many decades to come.

The funny thing about this week is that I thought it would be bad.  It has been difficult I am not going to lie.  People hurt your feelings and I have just had trouble focusing on the here and now.  My grief tries to consume me today but amazingly my kitchen is providing me a nice diversion.  It has fallen apart:)

In the last month our facuet in our kitchen started leaking and then our garbage disposal died.  Then just this past weekend our refrigerator died.  So I have been consumed with picking out a new fridge and talking to Mr. Norman who came and is trying to help us put it all back together with a new facuet and disposal.  Funny how we get a diversion when we need it the most?!

Thank you all for your emails, prayers, texts, and love.  Those closest to me know I am having a rough week and I am so blessed to have some amazing friends around me.  Tomorrow Misty and I are having lunch with another cancer warrior mom, Lisa.  They both encourage me so much and I am looking forward to that.  Thursday some awesome friends have planned a lunch after preschool where we eat and chat and our kiddos play.  It is always a blessing to be around these gals and I am looking forward to one of our "three hour lunches" as our husbands so fondly call them. 

I know that this dark time will soon pass but even today in my grief and sadness I feel my Jesus.  He has put a song in my heart to remind me that He has always been with us and that He will always be with us.  He has been so faithful to us that I know he is our friend for life.