Brutal

This week has been absolutely brutal for me.  I know what the scriptures say about fear and worry and I know that I should turn all my fears over to God.  My head understands to do that but my heart is struggling.  Because of stress my fuse is short and my kids have chosen this week to push every button I have.  It is also breaking my heart that my parents are enduring stress because of a situation they cannot do anything about. 

Scan weeks are difficult for our family.  Amy from the sedation team at UVA called today and we talked details about Friday.  They are so wonderful at UVA.  While he is sedated David's ear tubes will be pulled out, his labs will be drawn, and he will receive his pre-scan fluids to flush that nasty contrast dye away from his kidney. 

Last night I was listening to a sermon by Max Lucado where a family had a tragedy occur in their lives.  They made a list of the good and bad that came from the tragedy in which the mom was paralyzed.  I thought that was such a wonderful way to take the focus away from the difficult parts of a tragedy and choose to remember how God uses the most difficult times in our lives to bring blessing and glory to the situation.  So...Here is my first shot at the list that comes to mind from cancer:

CONS

David lost a kidney
He endured months of terrible chemo and radiation
We had to be separated as a family for many long weeks
We will always live in fear that we will lose him
We will always live in fear that he will go into kidney failure
We worry that down the road we might see late effects from the chemo
David lost nine months of his life with school, friends, and fun. 

PROS

Mike and I felt God's presence so strongly that our family is forever changed.
We were blessed by the love of family, friends, and strangers
We made many sweet memories in Charlottesville
We met some amazing families on the floor
We met professionals that feel like extended family that take amazing care of our David.
We had lots of time to read the bible and listen to sermons
We now have a greater appreciation for love and life. 
We witnessed how strong our Rock Star really is
Hope was forced to come out of her shell by attending preschool at UVA.
Kyle learned some life lessons while attending school at UVA
Because we were so blessed by the generosity of others we feel led to give back more.

As you can see the pros list is longer than the cons.  Cancer has robbed our family of lots of peace but God has used it to teach and touch us.

Today has been hard.  Tonight Mike came home for a few minutes and I just curled up on his lap and put my head on his chest.  I am trying not to feel overwhelmed and scared but we now live our lives in three month chunks and scans always produce anxiety. 

My sweet 11 year old just ended our night on a wonderful note.  I just snuggled in our big bed and watched the second half of the awesome movie Courageous with our three kids.  (If you have not seen it you must) but the speech at the end of that movie must be seen by every single parent.  I am thankful that God has allowed us to be parents and that instead of being terrified about the future we just need to enjoy the present and be thankful for all the time that we have had together.  That movie blessed us all tonight as we wait patiently for Friday to come and get here. 

We covet your prayers for the rest of this week.  Please specifically pray for a low Creatinine level and of course a squeaky clean scan.