Big Feelings Five Years Later

This week has been full of big feelings as we have faced the five year anniversary  from the day David was diagnosed with cancer.  Thanks to Time hop on facebook and the fact that November will always be different for me, I have relived lots of hard and painful memories this week from D-day at UVA five years ago.

Crunching leaves on a sidewalk will always remind me of those cool mornings walking from the Ronald McDonald house to the hospital trying to beat  the oncologist before rounds.  Thanksgiving break always reminds me of those days that David was recovering from surgery preparing to begin the battle with chemo.  There are so many memories floating around my head from those first few days where our lives changed on a dime.

So five years later here we are.  We are so incredibly blessed that our boy made it through the storm, and he is here with us.  He is a little beat up and scarred, but we are all stronger because cancer pushed its way into our lives.  Five years later we as a family understand what really matters and that list pretty much only includes God and family.

Cancer has made us laser-focused on raising our kids to be laborers for God's Kingdom and learning what it means to love our neighbor.  The love you all showed to us during the hard days changed us and made us want to be better neighbors back to you.  We want our kids to know that God comes first always and that our lives are meant to bring Him glory.  God was so present and powerful in those hallways of UVA hospital, that we were changed by seeing His glory.

I will never be bold enough to speak about how cancer changed Mike or our other kids-that is their story to tell not mine.  But as a cancer Momma who was blessed enough to be able to be bed-side with our boy constantly I have been changed.  I would never want cancer to enter our lives again, but I am so thankful that God used it to make me a better servant of His.

I am now bolder in sharing my faith because I know that Jesus is real, present and active in our lives.  and aching to be important to us.  He is our best friend, our comforter, our sustainer, and our healer.  I no longer feel the need to try to please man because I am here to please God and God only.  Not everyone will understand the changes I have been through and appreciate the newer me, but that is fine.  I want to raise my kids to be Godly servants.  I want to love my husband well and always honor my wedding vows. I want to welcome little preschoolers to their educational journey with a big hug and knowledge before they launch into "big school." I want to teach middle schoolers the amazing and life transforming story that is the bible and model for them how to put God first always.  I want to spend my life serving the least and the lost by showing the love of Christ.

So cancer, five years later you still are impacting us.  We never wanted you to enter our home but thankfully our God used you to teach us what is of value in this world.  Five years later I am still the same cancer Momma pouring my heart out on my laptop on this sared blog space, but today I can praise God our boy is still with us and that I am a new and improved version of myself.  To God be the glory today and always.  Amen.