Painful

Painful-that is all that I can say about this day. Truly it has been one of the longest, hardest days I have faced in a while. If you visited our blog today for a sweet post highlighting my sweet children, you may want to come back another day:)

Today, I left my youngest child (who is not fully weaned) and my eldest child and went about an hour and a half away with David to visit a Child Development clinic for psychological testing. We wanted and needed accurate testing on David for future planning and to maintain his current services.

It was rolling along quite beautifully all morning. David cooperated and seemed quite thrilled with our little road trip! Ashley went along for help and provided some comic relief when needed. We went out to lunch, witnessed a court house brawl and even visited a cute bakery.

Then before we left in the afternoon, I was brought in to hear their preliminary findings. Granted I used to be a school social worker and administer the same tests to families that I filled in today for David. I find it still so like God that the last social history that I completed before leaving on a permanent maternity leave years ago involved a sweet little girl with Down Syndrome. Anyway, I am no expert but the lingo we were talking today is familiar ground with me and granted I am kind of an expert on Dave.

The psychologist in his very sincere voice explained his testing on David and what his official IQ score was today. It was a fine number and it was not a huge shocker to me. I smiled and said okay-that is similar to the testing done last year by the school system. Then he explained to me in his serious, psychologist voice that the testing that I completed was surely not accurate because his social adaptive score was clearly too high and was not congruent to what his testing found. Clearly he then explained to me that I was not helping anything by exaggerating David's ability and that it was his job to bring me back to reality about David.

After much bantering about what David is truly capable of doing he then laid the reality check out for me. After meeting with David about 4o minutes total without me, he then felt lead to share with me that David's IQ will begin to dwindle down in number and that he will not be able to live independently in the future and that we as a family should be making long-term care plans.

After I gathered myself off of the floor and wiped the snot that was flying out of my nose due to my sobs, I thanked him for his time and made my grand exit. I felt that if I stayed one more moment in that airless room, I should not be helped accountable for my actions.

I am not clear why his Ph.D degree gave him the right or privilege to box my sweet Dave in today. Clearly Mike and I are realist about the disability our son has-you know since we both are educator-type people and all, but it galls me beyond belief that after meeting with our Dave for that brief time that is all he could muster?? He was so grave in his findings that for a split second I thought he was going to throw out the institution word. Seriously.

Now that my tears are dry and I have gotten a little perspective from the situation I am thankful for today. I am thankful that I was painfully reminded that without our vigilance our Dave could end up stereotyped and written off. Not on my watch.

I know that our God created Dave in my womb and that he is fearfully and wonderfully made. I know that our God never leaves us or forsakes us and that he was tenderly wiping my tears as I sobbed in the bathroom of that pitiful little "clinic" today. I know that our Dave has his limitations but our God is the author of life and that He knows no limits. Tonight as I am nursing my hurt pride and broken heart I am thankful that there is someone I can cling to that knows no limits and loves our Dave even more than we do.

David was put in our life for a reason and I believe that one of the MANY blessings that I will personally receive from mothering this precious soul is the present reminder that God never brings us to a place where he is not willing to meet us-even a stinky, tiny "clinic" in the middle of nowhere!