Wednesday, July 24, 2013

How Dave is Really Feeling

I love that we live in such a wonderful, caring community.  Everywhere I go folks stop and ask me how our David is.  I always smile and say "today he is doing great."  That is kind of my standard answer because on the outside he is doing great.  He looks so healthy with his mop of red hair and he is enormous thanks to a recent growth spurt.  If you had just met David today you would have no idea what he has gone through unless you look at the scars on his belly and chest. He is our miracle. 

The Momma in me; however, watches everything he does, eats, or drinks.  Lately he has been complaining a lot about being tired.  This past Saturday at the festival he had to be carried back to the car because he was so tired.  My heart stops everytime he complains about a headache or being tired.  I convince myself that the cancer is back already and that he is not going to make it.  Crazy I know, but after all the curveballs we have been thrown I can't help but go there.

We go to UVA this Friday for a clinic appointment where labs will be drawn and urine analyzed to check his kidney function.  We do wonder if the heat and humidity from the summer is what is dragging him down.  He basically has one half of one kidney now so I know that when the temperature is high and he is active then it is hard on his body.  I have struggled with being paralyzed with fear over the "what ifs" but I will try to continue to walk in faith knowing that our God is with us. 

My emotions have been all over the place this summer.  We have truly had a great summer full of family, friends, sun, and fun.  David has loved summertime and I am so thankful that he has felt good to enjoy it.  I also stress about his fluid intake and his exertion, trying to balance it all out.  I am worried desperately about the upcoming scan in August because if this one is clean then that means that he has made it a whole year post-chemo which is a huge milestone. 

My life as a christian has taught me to not worry about tomorrow but to trust God.  I know from experience that He will never take you somewhere where he will not meet you, but to see my healthy looking boy not want to walk 1/4 of a mile back to the car grips me with fear.  We ask for your prayers for his lab work this Friday to tell us if his kidney is still  happy and healthy and of course that the August scan is clean.  I am so thankful for this space here on this little blog to share this journey.  It gives me a safe place to express myself so I do not end up blubbering on the street to some sweet neighbor who asks "how is David?"

We are so grateful for our faithful blog readers who continue to pray for David and our family.  This journey is truly going to be a lifetime marathon, but with God on our side we will continue to take baby steps in faith.

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