Monday, June 30, 2014

Everything to Me

Sometimes in our walk with God we feel the devil nipping at our heels.  He whispers lies to us like "you are not good enough" or holds our hand as  he leads us into a pit.  That devil is an opportunitist who jumps on our weaknesses. 

Mike has gently let  me know that the last week or two I have been a challenge difficult to live with.  I have been moody, whiny and feeling defeated.  After I strongly disagreed with him I then realized it was true.  There has been a lot of change in my life over the last month or so and it is hard.  Both of my grandmother's houses are on the market and a new family has moved into one of them already.  The lake house that I love so dearly is also on the market and I know it is a matter of time before lazy lake days are a distant memory.  It has also been hard losing my bff to another church and nearby town. 

We also recently got the letter in the mail saying that August 9th is David's next scan.  Sigh.  If this one is clean then we will be at the two year mark post-treatment.  That will be great, but that means that we still have to scan for THREE more years.  It is not easy to live in fear that the monster will come back.  Most of the time I can put this in the way back of my head, but lately relapse and cancer have pushed their way front and center into my brain:(

I am not sharing all of my woes to have a pity party.  According to my husband I have thrown several great pity parties in the last week:)  I am sharing this because of the power of God.  Today I spent a great part of my day cleaning and scrubbing this house.  I turned on XM radio while I was cleaning and an old praise song by Avalon came on.  It was one of my favorites when we first moved to Marion nine years ago this month. 

This part of the song got me:

He's everything to me
More than a Story
More than words on a page
of History

He's the Air
that I breath
The water that I thirst for
And the Ground beneath my feet
He's everything.

This song truly sums up my walk with God.  He is everything.  He is my friend that I can whine to when I feel overwhelmed.  He is the healer that has defeated the beast of cancer in our baby's body.  He is the comforter when I am scared.  He is the one whom I praise when I see his work in my life.  He is everything.  The God that I am reading about in a children's bible to Hope this summer is the same God that has and always will be present in my life.

 I wept mopping the kitchen floor today, because the last few weeks I had forgotten who he was.  I had temporarily forgotten that He is the Great I Am.  I was so caught up in what I was "losing" in my life that I forgot that He also blesses us with new beginnings.  I need to trust more and whine less.  How can I question the God who is truly Everything to me.  When I lose my focus on Him that is when I tend to throw some rocking pity parties.

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