Having a little girl around the house is tons of fun. Right now she is obsessed with babies and putting makeup on. Today she carrried around three different tubes of chapstick and/or lipstick begging me to put it on. Finally I relented and puckered up for a quick swipe. The chapstick touched my lips and the smell hit my nose and I froze. It took me back in time to a scary, scary place just eight months ago.
During January David had two dozen radiation sesssions. He had to be sedated for them so he could be perfectly still. Blessedly they were usually early in the morning in the basement of the Emily Couric Cancer center which is across the street from UVA hospital. Those cold blustery mornings we were loaded up on an ambulance to literally go across the street for his daily radiation. He could not eat or drink before being sedated and so his lips would be so parched:( It broke my heart and they often would give us chapstick to use until he could get some liquids.
Today Hope was using that same brand of chapstick and it took me back in time. Instead of being snuggled on the couch with my sweet girl I was scared and cold in a cancer center. The weirdest things like this cause my heart to palpitate and I know without a shadow of a doubt I have a mild form of Post-traumatic stress disorder. I still have occassional nightmares and this cool weather has brought back lots of memories from last fall.
To combat the nightmares and flashbacks I have had a hunger for God's word like no other. I am currently reading through Proverbs right now just soaking up God's wisdom. There have been times that I have read the bible and it just has not soaked in. This season of my life; however, it is alive and active to me. I am so thankful for his Word and his peace as we come up on a checkup scheduled for September 20th.
September is also childhood cancer awareness month. Each day 36 children will receive the news that they have cancer and sadly seven children die each day from cancer. Please pray for the children and families that are fighting this beast each and everyday. I am thankful we are done with planned and active treatment, but we will always be nervous about relapse and late-term side effects from all the chemo and radiation he received. We are far from being out of the woods, but God has provided us with a peace that passes all understanding.
His peace is what allows us to forge ahead each day in our jobs and within our family life. We will not live in fear of the "what ifs" because no matter what is before us we know our God will be with us.