This was our last weekend of "freedom" as the boys go back to school this Wednesday. This weekend we were out and about getting all the last minute things needed, including "stuff" to have on hand for packing lunches. I truly feel there is a special place in heaven for Moms that pack lunches day after day-I will probably only make it a week or two before I wake up one morning with nothing on hand to pack! Anyway, I had this feeling today that I couldn't quite understand. After my children's behavior this past week, I should be tap dancing about sending them off, but I realized that I am actually nervous.
It is always such a trust of faith to send these precious ones out on the first day. I am thrilled that both boys have a great teacher this year, but being the control freak that I am, it panics me that they will not be under my thumb for a good portion of the day. It is such a lesson of faith.
Last year, when Kyle cried the first three weeks of kindergarten (yes, that was approximately 15 mornings of drama that I never want to repeat!) I would often try to console him by reminding him that even when Mommy and Daddy weren't right with him, God was always there with him. Once again we are on the cusp of the separation again and Kyle and I both need to be reminded that God is always there. We will see what the day will be like Wednesday-will Kyle strut into school with the swagger of a veteran, or once again be clinging to me and begging me to sit in the corner all day?
Being a Mommy is so hard as you try to strike a balance between being in control and their need for freedom to grow. Kyle is really into rap music right now (I will try to sneak a picture or video of him jamming because it is totally hilarious!) Anway, I just want run as fast as we can back to the Wiggles CD's and Thomas the Train, but I know that this is reality now. I can embrace it and listen along with him to check for bad words or I can pitch a fit! I am choosing to go along with it, despite my inner being screaming for the madness to stop! But as a parent, I am trying to let Kyle experiment with some new ideas with his taste in music. Change is always so hard, but once again it is a reminder to place our trust and faith in the One that orchestrates it all. One of my favorite scriptures is Jeremiah 29:11 that says "For I know the plans I have for you..They are plans for good to give you a hope and a future. What reassuring words those are for this control freak mommy during this time of the year when so much of my boys' lives are different and changing!