Monday, February 6, 2012

Hairs on his Head

The past few days have been awesome and have almost felt "normal." We have all been home together under one roof, David has eaten well, and we have had lots of normal family moments. It has been awesome. Cancer is certainly always in the back of our minds, but for the last few days it was not front and center.

We are sort of used to our bald and skinny Rock Star. We are so proud of this handsome young man! He is so brave and strong:)

Then this weekend I stumbled across some old pictures on facebook and I gasped at how healthy and vibrant our boy looked prior to his cancer diagnosis. He has never been heavy, but look how full his cheeks were and how much hair he had! It made this Momma tear up a little.

This picture was taken back in the summer. Look at all that hair and how full his sweet face was?! Wow. Then this weekend in our cleaning, we found his Upward basketball uniform that he never got to wear. He went to the first practice and came home complaining about his belly hurting. Two days later we were in the ambulance to UVA. Sometimes I have whiplash thinking about how fast life has changed dramatically in this house.

Then I remember that scripture from Matthew 10:30 where Jesus says "even the very hairs of your head are all numbered"

This scripture is very meaningful to a mother who has just watched her baby's gorgeous red hair fall out in chunks due to the chemo. That scripture reminds me that our God is holding our baby in the palm of His hands whether he has a bazillion hairs on his head pre-chemo, or whether he has a sporadic few now. That scripture is comforting to me that God cares about all the details of our lives and is attentive to all the details:) No detail is too small for our awesome God.

God also knows that my heart is heavy over having to head back to UVA for more treatments Wednesday night. Because we were blessed with this week break, we are seeing glimpses of our healthy boy back. He has eaten well and had good energy which has been great to see. It also breaks our hearts that we know we are taking him back to knock him down again. The other night Mike and I were reading in bed and David was asleep between us. Mike kissed his bald head and whispered to me that he hates that David has to go through all of this. It rips at our hearts that he has to endure these treatments to get better.

We are so thankful to our God that continues to minister to us throughout this nightmare. He is so faithful. The last hospitalization was very hard on me emotionally because he was so sick and the stay was so long. I begged for mercy from Him because I thought my heart would break at how hard this situation is. I cried out to Him in desperation and then He has blessed us with this amazing respite at home. Just like He knows how many hairs are on our heads, He knows when we need to be at home watching our boy eat, being all together and for me laughing with friends. He cares about us-intimately and thankfully no detail of our lives is too small for our large and awesome God.

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