Friday, April 27, 2012

All I Can Say

If you have read the blog in the last few months you will know that David and I both are on a David Crowder Band kick right now.  We love his crazy hair and his awesome music.  We are devastated that they are no longer touring. Sigh.

I have also shared that this last six day inpatient trip was tough.  There was a death while we were there which rattled me.  I had big plans to do lots of bible study and finish my Max Lucado You'll Get Through This podcasts (you must check them ). 

I then got to the hospital and the seriousness of these treatments, coupled with meeting some amazing kids there that are fighting serious battles rattled me.  My prayers were very basic and were poured from my grief over what David is fighting plus all of our new friends at UVA. There are some amazing families and kids fighting some pretty big Goliaths.

 Instead of eloquent prayers I just poured out my fear to the Lord.  Have you ever been so scared and overwhelmed that you could not form words?  I remember being like this when David was first diagnosed and I would lay in the bed at the RMH house and bawl to the Lord.  This time it was not nearly as severe, but I was rattled enough that I could not form pretty prayers or even have the attention span to study my bible. 

So instead of digging into God's word I plugged in my ear phones and listened to praise music nonstop after David went to sleep on my iPhone. On the nights that I slept at the hospital evening time is always sad for me.  It is hard to sleep with the constant commotion of vital checks, IV machines, and screaming babies.  This David Crowder song ministered right to my soul in those dark hours when I should have been sleeping but could not.  I posted the version with lyrics, because the words are so powerful.  I can so identify with the line about the "dark creeping in." 

Then this verse speaks such hope to my soul:

I didn't notice you were standing there
I didn't know that that was You holding me
I didn't notice you were crying too
I didn't know that that was You washing my feet

Our Jesus is always with us.  He knows when our heart is too broken to pray eloquent prayers, he knows when fear has paralzed us, and he is with us when the dark is creeping in.  So even in the dark hours of the hospital when I can't sleep and paralyzed with fear my Jesus is with me.  He hears my child-like prayers, wipes away my tears, and gives me hope in a place that can often feel pretty hopeless. 

Pause the blog music on the right and enjoy this awesome David Crowder Band song.  This song is also the second one on the blog playlist.  Enjoy:)

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