Sunday, April 22, 2012

Our hearts

This hospitalization is about to wind down. David has handled five intense doses of chemo beautifully. He is a tad nauseous and has had some belly issues, but like always he has been a rock star. Tonight I was cradling his bald head in the crook of my arm. I was moved to tears of gratitude during my prayers. I am so grateful that God choose us to parent this child. It has definitely not been a walk in the park, but I am so grateful for all the lessons about faith, hope and love that he has taught us.

This stay has been hard emotionally for me, and tonight I realized why. We are now considered frequent flyers here and this place feels like home. We do not like why we are here, but we love it here. We have gotten to know so many of the other frequent flyer families up here and you find that your prayer list gets bigger and bigger as we pray and root for these brave and amazing kids that fight for their life everyday. I have allowed my fear for David's ultimate survival to be bigger than my God. I have not had eloquent prayers or even had the attention span to do much bible study. I have been antsy and anxious so to soothe my fears I have listened to praise music nonstop on my phone. I am in love with Sidewalk Prophets and their music has soothed my soul. I have listened to so much music that my ears are sore from the ear buds.

My favorite song is You Can Have Me. I love the lines

I want to be where you are
I am running into your arms
And I will never look back
So Jesus here is my heart

Cancer has tired to take our peace. Amazingly our God has taken something so awful and made something beautiful from it. We as a family have never been more grounded in our faith and our hope is in Jesus and that is the ultimate stress relief. Jesus has been so faithful to us in our deepest grief that he definitely has our hearts.

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