Today has been a long one here in Party Central. The morning started out rough with some serious sickness from the Rock Star. He was crying and moaning that his bottom hurt because the chemical from the chemo had burned his bottom during a bowel movement. I got so upset but I did not have time to wallow in my own pity because Pops and I were focused on keeping our boy comfortable. He had already thrown up on Mike and then when Mike stepped out to get his shower that is when he had a rough time with us.
Finally after a big bowel movement (sorry if this is too much info) he fell fast asleep and napped well. He woke up a different boy and has been a happy clam this evening. We are all over his eating and drinking and we finally coerced/bribed him to eat four chicken nuggets, a salad and a few sips of his shake. Anything we can get in him is awesome. The nutritionist is all over his case monitoring his intake so he will not lose more weight.
I will admit that this morning while he was moaning and so pitiful I was rattled. It was really the first time that I was frustrated at myself for being so weak. My baby was in pain and I just wanted to lay in the floor with him and cry. But, this is so not about me so I prayed silently and urgently for strength and once again God's grace was sufficient. Several folks started texting me mid-afternoon when I had not updated blog or facebook with an update. I was a rattled and scared Momma watching my baby be sick. One of the nurses (one of our favorites) came and talked to me tonight and really encouraged me that we are being good nurses to our Rock Star. Just a few words of encouragement meant so much and once again God provided me with some much needed words of encouragement.
Tomorrow he will do a trial run radiation session. His official radiation will start Thursday, but tomorrow they will sedate him (with the Michael Jackson drug) and then they will mark his abdomen as to where to radiate. They must sedate him so they can keep him still enough to radiate exactly where they need to. I am anxious about the radiation but I am at total peace that this is the right treatment option. I hate for him to endure additional treatments, but I keep cheering that old school cheer of ''be aggressive'' about this nightmare. You only get one chance to treat it the first time, so Mike and I want them to hit it hard.
Tonight I ran into Old Navy to buy a few Christmas presents. The lady in front of me had two cute girls probably around age 8. The girls were buying matching outfits for twin day tomorrow at their school. I just wanted to bawl out of jealousy. I know it is totally trivial and one day soon I too can shop for something fun and frivolous, but tonight was the first time that I had a pity party. I was buying additional underwear for David because he keeps getting sick and we keep running out and she was buying cute Hello Kitty shirts:) I know there will be more moments like tonight where exhaustion and fear overcome me, but Rock Star and I just keep singing our current favorite song of ''Our God'' You cannot be sad when you are rocking out with your seven year old to some christian praise music!!!
So tonight I am at the RMH house doing some laundry and I have my sassy pink bible with me. I am clinging to the promises in God's word knowing that he knows the fear and desperation in my heart. He knows how much I love David and amazingly He loves him even more. He too was sad when David was uncomfortable today but he keeps whispering in my ear to ''be still dear Laura and know that I am God."
I know that our God is never going to leave us here in this nightmare. I know that He loves us and is tenderly wiping our tears away, and one day soon I too will get to buy a cute and frivolous outfit for my Rock Star:) Keep the faith and prayers dear friends, and know that:
Our god is Greater
Our God is stronger
God you are higher than any other
Our God is healer,
Awesome in power
Our God, Our God
I hope to video Rock Star singing that sometime soon. He can certainly rock it!! Good night from the RMH house:)